Into The Woods (2014)

* ½ out of ****

Is it just me, or does it seem that Meryl Streep would get an Academy Award nomination for playing a catatonic quadriplegic? “Just look at how she lays there and does nothing! Astounding!” She has received another nomination for “Into The Woods” (her 19^th) for playing an over-the-top witch in such a way that, had it been anyone else, an award nomination would never have been remotely considered.

I have found that a lot of critics like this film. Why, I cannot say. Not only is it not very entertaining, it is marketed to give you a completely different idea of what the film is than what it actually turns out to be. The marketing suggests it is a whole new take on a bunch of fairy tales, adding some dark and sinister elements to make it more entertaining for the modern audience. Instead you get a full blown musical (something the trailers don't suggest at all), which wouldn't be so bad if virtually every song didn't remind me of “God That's Good” from Sweeney Todd. At times I thought it was a lot like “Rent” - the characters sing dialogue with virtually no melody when a little spoken word would much better convey the scene.

And it isn't a retelling of any of the stories – it's a total re-imagining of most of them. In some cases it's necessary for the plot, but in some cases it's a real head-scratcher. For instance, Cinderella does to the ball for THREE straight nights, bolting from the unexpecting, dullard prince every night.  And the “darker” imagery is not so much to make it tense or scary, it seems to just make it dreary. REALLY dreary.  And it redefines the characters as people we don't like enough to care about their fate. The only story that follows the same basic plotline is that of Red Riding Hood, but Lilla Crawford plays her as a unlikeable brat. There really just isn't anything or anyone to root for.  Streeps's witch is as likeable as any of the “heroic” characters, and believe me that isn't saying much. It just made for an unhappy film, and I was hoping it would end soon even before the final act began.

There are a couple of pretty good sequences. Chris Pine is terrific as Prince Charming, and his duet “Agony” with Billy Magnussen is not only musically interesting but genuinely entertaining. Pine's character is a dullard and a little detestable (by design), but he is easily the most interesting of the handful of characters. Daniel Huttlestone, who plays Jack, certainly has a beautiful singing voice but again his character (and that of his mother) just aren't sympathetic enough to root for.

Overall I can't understand why the critics are going so easy on this movie. Sad, boring, unsympathetic and tedious.... it really was a waste of money. Perhaps the first film I've been to since “The Allnighter” (1987) where I seriously considered going to the management and asking for my money back.